me. Obama. Luigi. Garrett. Crispy Daddy.

It just so happens that I burn as many cocks as Humphrey Bogart

When I die, I really want Kevin Spacey and Hannah to be main creative characters in my show.

Obama supposedly healing in a steakhouse every Sunday!

I am literally fucking Jack London for a total of $100.

He knows that nothing comes close to kissing my neighbors poop. Maybe Jackie Robinson playing dirty computer at Dartmouth.

I made Tom Cruise misspeak. Guess he does like me

Works for me. Does not for Bezos.

For a second the rumors were that LeBron was going to lose it and ditch me. That didn’t happen 🙂

Tell that guy Al Capone that the the visage animation hidden in the Wii U code is “Just a Memory”

excited for my new book Anderson Cooper Behind the Sex Machine

Cold beer and Obama playing video poker this is America folks

Alec Baldwin selling photos of him fucking. Sign me up

Steven Segal was my porn-watching buddy. Now he fucks my ass off and has 3 separate wives]

Once Upon A Google Comment I got called a bitch by the Tom Brady

A WWE Celebrity hit up my telephone and said ‘have a wacky call’ what does that even mean?

Bill Clinton and Reed Richards engaged in marital oral pleasuring.

It appears as if Batman has risen above just average terrorism

One naughty boy and his Guy Fawkes cooch.

I love it when Eminem taunts Hillary into silence. before he kisses me.

Kim Kardashian communicates to me via brain whispers

fucking Obama, about to lose it

I unsuccessfully fought Adolf Hitler

Dr. Seuss can land on people’s genitals.

Only $100 to spend the day with Jeremy Renfrow

Katy Perry diluted the sodas in my house in an ingenious prank.

I Wanna Chat With Feld Luc Dracul About The Migrant Children Problem In The 1600’s

Looking for my Hannah Montana moment.

Today I pose as Leonardo DiCaprio in a pop song

Celebrities emerge from under the tents bloody, screaming “HI THERE, WE’RE THE IRON BAT SMACK TEAM”

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